Sample 1

For ages, schools focus on imparting knowledge based on the same old modules. It is time one should add a more dynamic model of studying to what is already being taught.

In order to gain a better perspective into the future, it is important for kids to understand the events that took place in history.  However, I believe that schools teach “too deeply” into some subjects which are not required. The need of the hour is to teach them to adapt to the changes in the world along with sufficient knowledge of the past. They should be thorough with all the recent day events that will affect them. Children tend to take better interest in things that they find relatable. For instance, during the pandemic time, it is important for schools to teach children the origin of COVID, precautions, variants, treatment and other details related to the disease. Now since children are experiencing something, they`ll be keen on knowing more which gives us an opportunity to present our knowledge in an interesting way.

I believe as important it is for the children to know about the recent happenings in the world to cope better, equally significant it is for them to know what happened in the past. However, only limited and necessary information should be provided to avoid boredom. Continuing the same example as I mentioned above, after introducing something relatable like covid to them, children should then be taught about the historical event associated with it, like the Spanish flu, the pandemic that occurred 100 years ago. It`s better to take children from present to the past than vice-versa so they can attain better understanding and can apply the knowledge practically to adjust better. For the purpose of active participation, projects, assignments, field trips, programmes can be allotted to them and parents can indulge their child in educational storytelling exercises.

To sum up, I would say that children should be taught based on what will be beneficial for them in the long run, hence regular updates to their knowledge should be made along with continuing the static model to have a better understanding of life.

Analysis: incorrect structure- For ages, schools focus on imparting knowledge (instead of have been focussing on),  it is time one should add (it is time one added). Sudden movements: it is important for kids to understand the events that took place in history, however, I believe…. (no justification of previous idea and sudden jump to the next one). No clarification : “too deeply” (why this expression). Lack of progression (children tend to take better interest in the things they find relatable) so?.. and many more

Due to all above discussed issues this essay will not be able to attain more than band 6.5 in actual exam.

Sample 2

Many people opine that the most advantageous and best syllabus for children is the one which tells them how to cope with changes instead of the basic unchanged one. I am convinced by this opinion because change is the only constant in life. This essay will show the reasons for my conviction.

No doubt, the static body of knowledge lead to consistency and better and easy learning of the syllabus but it somehow hinders growth. Firstly, science and technology is ever changing due to continuous research and development in every field we can think of, so holding onto basic theories may not serve the purpose in the modern times. Secondly, time do not wait for anybody. It changes everyday. Consequently, perceptions vary very quickly. So, thing which are relevant today may not hold same importance tomorrow. The basic knowledge provided in school might not be applicable in real life. Thirdly, making children learn how to cope with change makes them flexible in lives. This way, the rigidity on the character get diminished in the early stages of their life.

To be more precise, students get accustomed to adapting change in their lives if they have learned it in their syllabus. Moreover, being comfortable with switching situations guarantees the growth. Increased relevancy of the topic also interests the student and he do not have to cramp things just for the sake of getting good grades.

So, in conclusion, I would say, need of the hour is to learn new things everyday and be at ease with changes happening around as this is the only way ahead. So, curriculum should definitely teach students to do so.

Analysis: This essay shows good progression of ideas with some grammatical and syntactical errors (Time do not, static body of knowledge lead to consistency).Overall the purpose is clear enough. So, this can be cited as one of the good approaches towards the given question.